i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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