The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
