I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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