you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
