I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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