Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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