Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
