It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
