Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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