i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
