We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
