Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
