you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
