I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
