drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
