We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think people are normalizing furries
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
