Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
