i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
