I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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