No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
