I CAN MOONWALK!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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