I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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