I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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