Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
