All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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