so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
