we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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