too bad you live with your parents still
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
