apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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