A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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