Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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