I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
