I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
