you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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