I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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