My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
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I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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