everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
