we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
