Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
