sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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