At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
