Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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