Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
