You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
