I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
