We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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