I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
