Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
