to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
