I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if only i could text you this smell
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
