he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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