Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
