No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
