I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My balls are so social today.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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