Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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