my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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