It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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