Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
