I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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