Fuck appropriateness.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
