i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i drank out of a bidet.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
