Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
