how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
