Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
