Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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