I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
