Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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