Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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