i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
