your room smells of hookers.
And success
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Mom said you looked used
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
