my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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