Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
