Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
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Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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